It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
