He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
