The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think your dad took our porno
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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