So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
