Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so let's talk penis.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
