apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
