i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
