Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
