wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
