Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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