what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
