omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
