I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
