Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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