Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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