Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
