i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
