why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
