where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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