oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
