what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I supernannyed him into submission
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
