i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
