The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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