How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
