my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
