Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
