I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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