so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
