I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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