I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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