Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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