When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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