Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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