Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
