i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
