guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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