theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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