I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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