Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
