who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
