She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Michael Bay diarrhea
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
