I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also, beer. Big fan.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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