No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
