I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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