Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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