you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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