they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
