so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
