he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
