OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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