just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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