We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
